Tuesday, October 10, 2006


Trump University website

now, i love donald trump just as much as the next person. i do, i really do. i probably even love him more than melania does. i have no vested interest in him, so i'm able to love freely, without strings. or lies. not that melania is lying, necessarily. but, you know....


who's familiar with the trump university? anyone? no? really? no one? wow. im surprised.

you should be. it's amazing. it's the premier success institution in america. success. that's what it's all about. it's going to happen to you.

but, it's not just about success. it's also about...stuff.

the intro video: who produced this? was it the same producers of the successful dwarf twin infomercials (you know them...one of them died within the past year)? was it produced by the team that brings us joel osteen? or maybe it was tony robbins' people. i would love to know.

whoever put this together, it seems as though their advice was "just wing it. it'll sound great. natural. dont worry about enunciating. or even being able to speak english well. just go for it!"

i mean, this is the transcript:

"action is what trump university is all about. but action is just a small part of trump university. trump university is about knowledge, about a lot of different things. above all, it's about how to become successful."

that's trump speaking. one cut. the intro to his university.

impressive, no? the video is even better.

we go on. this from a trump u. student, aptly named Gross:

"my overall feeling of the trump university is that it's enabled me to gain a confidence that i need and fire in my gut to stay in business through the tough times and also, have available, a team of experts who have been froo what i'm presently going froo right now."

from the looks of it, mr. gross is going through his 5th night of falling asleep outside a bar in a puddle of his own vomit. after 3 months of his fat wife telling him to lose weight or she'll leave him. dont eat this, eat more broccoli, sit up straight - it aids digestion, dont lie down right after eating, have some more lichen, dont eat that french fry, lick my crack.... he looks like he's 30 seconds from :: not mars :: but killing himself.

then we cut to prof. gary eldred. he does something with the univers- and is an investor, consultant, and author. actually, you know what, i'm pretty sure that i now qualify to rep the school too....

"im proud to be associated with trump universe because ive examined about all the books, courses, seminars....and what impressed me about trump university and when they asked me to become a part of it, that it impressed me because, they wanted t-goo offer solid education. they wanted to avoid the hype."

couldnt they have afforded another take?

it's not even worth talking about the rest of it. the next woman they cut to cant look at the camera or the interviewor. she keeps looking into space, fumbling for words. or reading cue cards.


"we teach success. that's what it's all about. it's going to happen to you. along with other things."